Is it always possible to be kind?

Always possible to be kind?

When faced with the quote "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible" - The Dali Lama - I instinctively asked the person who'd quoted it "If it's always possible to be kind, why has no one ever achieved it yet?"

In response he asked me the following three questions, which I will attempt to answer in turn.

i)How do you know it's always possible?

Well if by this question we mean 'What is the metric by which you will decide if it is always possible?', then I intend to get right to the heart of the issue - our conscience. Our conscience acts as a moral compass guiding us to know what is right and wrong - on the simplest level, this means we know that if we see someone in pain for example, we desire to help them, and if someone wrongs us we desire them to be punished and make amends. Along with this conscience we have the free will to do as we choose - we can choose in any given circumstance to do what we know to be right (kind) or wrong (unkind).

ii) How do you define 'kind'?

Well the astute reader will realise that the answer given above (i) assumes kindness to be right and unkindness to be wrong, but I think it is important that you realise that I don't mean kind as in always taking the soft option. Often the kindest thing to do for others is hurtful to them in the short term, but far from harming them will do them good in the long term. Take the correction of a child by his parent...The parent loves the child and wants to protect him from harming himself, so tells him off for playing with matches. The child is distressed and cries. Is this the soft option? No! But is it kind? Yes - the motivation is love, and because the parent loves the child, they are not scared to hurt the boys feelings in the short term to teach him that fire and matches are dangerous and prevent him from injury in the long term. Kindness is loving people and seeking the best for them regardless of the cost to yourself.

iii) And how would we know if anyone has?

There is no scientific way of proving whether anyone has actually achieved this - I am not omnipresent in space or time, nor do I know the hearts of men! But I can speak for myself and admit that I am most certainly not always kind! Far from it, when I examine my own heart I find a cesspit of selfishness and a desire for self promotion. I am not always kind to people, and not always because I want to see their downfall...more often because I value their opinion so highly, want to feel good about myself and impress others and God, that I no longer put their interests first. I want people to like and respect me, and care more about achieving that end, than I do about helping them.

I can also speak for the people around me and say honestly that no one I have ever met (which is admittedly a very small number of all of the people who have ever lived) has always been kind. Don't get me wrong, I have some fantastic friends, a loving family, a great Church and an incredibly gracious and generous boyfriend to top it off. But none of them are always kind. The ways in which they are selfish and put their own interests before others are a matter for their own conscience, but they cannot claim such innocence as this, and furthermore I don't believe they would. It's a claim so arrogant and wholly unbelievable that it would be ludicrous and pointless to make.

But I believe that there are in fact 2 nuanced questions we must ask ourselves on this matter:

Is it always possible to be kind? Well yes, I think it is. In every situation we choose how we respond. We choose whether to love others, or ourselves, and we are responsible for the choice we make.

Is it possible to always be kind? I think not - we are a broken people. The Bible says 'We all like sheep have gone astray'. Our hearts have a natural inclination to put ourselves first, which is why our default is selfishness and we must learn and practice hard at being generous and outward looking. We can't always be kind, because we will choose unkindness instead, when we follow our self centred human nature. For sure we will choose kindness too - but not every time. Reflect on your own life a moment and I'm sure it won't take long for you to see your own unkindness. How long ago since you were last unkind to someone? Honestly?