I'm in love with White Dee

I love White Dee.  This is a call to lovers and haters of 'Benefits Street' alike to take a look and learn from what I consider to be one of the most attractive women I've come across.

For those who don't know about it, Benefits Street is a channel 4 documentary exploring the lives of the various residents of James Turner Street in Birmingham.  The name, I assume, is intended to reflect the statistics that around 95% of residents of this particular street, receive benefits of some kind.

After being invited to sign a petition to stop further broadcasting of the programme following its controvrsial debut, I just couldn't resist the urge to take a look (I can't see how the petition was ever a winning strategy - it surely only served as free advertising for the programme!!!) and have found myself fascinated, at times horrified and angry, and overall in love...

I think White Dee might be the woman of my dreams, or perhaps more likely, the woman I'd like to be...and this is why.

1) White Dee is generous despite being poor - she lives on benefits as a single mum, struggling with depression and 2 children still young enough to depend on her.  Yet she has become known as 'the mum of the street' with other residents actually referring to her, both directly and to others as 'my mum' or 'mother'.  She is the 'go-to' person for advice on the street, for help with looking for jobs, paying bills, sorting out disputes and even acts as a bank for vulnerable adults who because of addiction and ill health, amongst other things, have genuine problems with managing their money.  She has a big heart, that sees her welcoming people into her home (and life) who I would feel uncomfortable even talking to.  She shares her phone, her laptop, her tea and her sofa with substance mis-users, the unemployed, single mums and even criminals.

2) She has a sense of humour - she is able to laugh at herself without being self-deprecating, and others without being mean.  She sees the absurdity and genuine hilarity of the word around her and rather than respond in bitterness and rancor, she laughs and rallies round and cracks on.  She has a big laugh that is infectious - I literally laugh out loud when she laughs and my faces lights up into a smile when she smiles.

3) She treats people kindly - even those who she expressly recognises are in error.  Its like she sees the faults in people around her, but refuses to be jaded by that.  She just keeps welcoming, listening and helping, regardless that the mess people are in is caused mostly by themselves.  She seems to reserve judgement, taking people as she finds them and treating them with a respect that they don't even show themselves at times.

4) She maintains a strong family unit - I know that may sound a contradictory statement as she is a single mum, but from what I can tell, there is undoubtedly a great deal of love and respect between her and her children.  She cares for them and talks to them and listens to them.  She makes the most of what she has, in order to create a safe and stable home.

Obviously my views are gleaned from watching a cleverly edited documentary on channel 4 - I don't know White Dee personally and am unlikely too - although if I ever had the chance to meet her I would definitely LOVE to!  But I feel a little like I have a teenage crush on her - I find myself smiling when I think of her, advocating her generosity to those who will listen, and wishing for a White Dee on my own street who I can share a cuppa and a sofa with.

When I try to understand the strength of my reaction to White Dee, I realise that an amazing thing has happened - she has caused me to look for the good in people first.  My own lack of confidence, jealousy and cynicism most often cause me to look for the worst bits in people first and then wait for them to prove themselves before opening my heart to them...but that is not possible when watching White Dee.  I can't help but love her right from the off, and also reserve judgement about those around her, just as she does.

So however you feel about Benefits Street - take a look at White Dee and ask yourself, how would the word be if I was a little more like her?

Rich Oppressor! Who? Me?

Thinking again about God's amazing sense of justice.  It turns out he takes injustice (in this case the oppression of the poor by the rich) very seriously. "Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you."  James ch 5 vv1-6.

 So lets be honest now - if you're sitting with a PC in front of you (as I am) are slightly over weight (as I am) have a home filled with lovely things (as I do) then aren't you rich?  Where did these things come from?  did the person who built my laptop have the same quality of life as I do?  Do they habitually over eat and throw food away because they've never had to worry about where the next meal will come from? 

I can't get away from this - I'm guilty!  Not some false, middle-class guilt, but a genuine guilt that is becoming of someone who professes Christ as Lord and yet dishonors him so freely.  Our whole consumer society is built upon the oppression of those poorer than ourselves.  So how can I, in Christ's name, resist this worldly pattern and end my own selfishness?  I need God's help to kill the greed in my heart that leads to caring more about what I have than what others need.

I know I'm forgiven and how that thrills me, yet I must change...I long for change...

Peace Restored

This weekend I was at a Porterbrook conference, and wanted to briefly share what I'd gained from it. The time we spent together was fabulous, and I found the Bible came to life as we studied it together in small groups. Reflecting on the gospel, and thinking through what God has to say about families, and how we are a family in Christ if we are trusting him, was really encouraging.

I appreciated people's candour as far as the reality of church life is concerned, that people from all church backgrounds find being a community on God's mission hard and failures are plentiful. I think I found peace in the fact that we do things differnetly to others, and yet in fact we face the same problem - it just manifests itself differently to different groups. So, we may not be the champions of reaching the poor and needy, (although I dont want to imply we don't care about the poor both locally and abroad - we really do!) but we are confident to talk about Jesus in the company of our more middle-class friends and colleagues. Other groups target the poor, but pass up opportunities to speak for Jesus because they are worried they'll lose credibility...

The heart of the problem is a misunderstanding of Grace. Perhaps the one reflects a misunderstanding of God's value for all people regardless of background and his proactivity in reaching them. The other reflects a lack of joy in our salvation...our hearts aren't full of Jesus, so we don't talk about him, because it's out of the overflow of our hearts that words are formed. We talk about what we love...I talk about Mike(my husband) and knitting and animals. It's only natural that Jesus should be on my lips too, as I love him most of all.

There are so many different examples of this, I'm not trying to be exhaustive. But I am encouraged that the problem and the solution are the same for all Christians in a big sense...we don't belive the gospel! We under-estimate it's beauty, it's power, it's attractiveness. I am reminded that I need to be humble before God, to ask him to reveal more of his amazing love through his Spirit, to beg that he change my heart and that my desires change to his desires in turn. How I long for that change to come...And how great it is to see that happening, to feel God's Spirit at work in me and witness the changes in those around me too.

Are we living just lives?

I'm coming across the word 'radical' almost daily at the moment, and got to thinking through how radical gospel living ought to look. In what ways was Jesus radical? He loved people with reckless abandon, even to the point of losing his life. His priority was always to reach people with the good news of salvation, and to point them to a life lived for others, as his was for them. This is radical - but I think can lead us to all sorts of hypocrisy if we opt in or out of this according to what we feel is important or no. The gospel is life changing and I'm convinced radical Christian living is about living all of our lives in a way that boasts in Jesus and follows his pattern of putting others first.

So, as Jesus loves the poor we should too - but how does this look? One of our key traps is to give money to aid or charitable causes or missions, and yet ignore the impact our own lifestyles have on the very places we're sending aid to. If there are poor people struggling to make a living from farming that puts food on our shelves, and that we buy at a fraction of it's true value - then no wonder these people can barely afford to eat themselves. And we send money to their aid? What hypocrites! Surely, if we buy food that is ethically traded and kind to the people producing it in the first place, then we are being much more just than if we perpetuate the problem by consuming unjustly and give money to make up for it.

But lets not be pragmatic about this - change starts with the heart and is a Spirit led thing. As we read the gospels we see Jesus truly loving all people, the rich and the poor, the uneducated and the educated, the good and the bad...he loves all people and accepts anyone who recognises their need of him. So, if Jesus loves the people who farm our food, and the people who transport it to us and the people in the shops where we buy it etc, and our very selves - the person we know best and whose sin we are most aware of and appauled by, then we, for love of Jesus, should reflect his love of the poor. And that means addressing the lifestyles we take for granted, asking questions of the shops we use, the governments who represent us in the world, and more closely to home, of one another. Does what we consume love the poor? Or does it care more about owning than loving, eating than nourishing, wealth than investment?

Doesn't radical gospel living mean applying the gospel to every single decision we make? And as our whole lives reflect God's goodness, so the world looks on at our good deeds and glorifies our father in heaven.

Rejoice - again I'll say it, Rejoice!

Praying - a head on collision of the will of God and the will of man?

Well is it? Sometimes, forgive my pessimism, that is just how it feels. We sit in circles and ask God to so 'Something Amazing'...but what if God's amazing doesn't seem so amazing to us? We thank God that he's answered our prayers when we get what we've asked, but how often do we genuinely thank God for answers that are unseen, or worse, unwanted?

For a while now I have been struggling with corporate prayer, and was forced to face up to this in a Family meeting recently where we were asked as a family how we could do better, and what were the underlying issues preventing us from praying together more. I realised that a growing unease and resentment has been growing in my attitude to prayer as I see it as a place where Christians can be very glib and exceptionally self-serving, and not least myself. I come to God and ask him for lots of things and thank him for visible successes of the gospel in the lives of those around me. But there's no obvious recognition that God is at work even in adversity, that sometimes he hears, but doesn't respond as we have asked or indeed in a way we can particularly identify at all. Shouldn't we be expressing gratitude to God in all things?
My pastor helpfully clarified that, yes we should be thankful in all things, but that doesn't mean for all things e.g we shouldn't be thankful that a relative has died, as God doesn't want people to die and it isn't part of how he intended his creation to be. And so, it's ok that I should instinctively find it impossible to be truly thankful for such horrible and painful things. But we should be thankful in all things - because God does work all things out for the good of those who fear him, and Jesus has definitely still died and been raised to new life despite what troubles come my way.

So can we recognise God more? What about a whole evening dedicated to just recognising what we've prayed to God and how he's answered us? How about pinning down the answers we feel we have and haven't had, and rather than shying away from the bad, confessing God is sovereign over these things and will work out good from them in ways we may never understand? Surely we'd be keener to pray if we pointed out to each other, reminded each other, that God does hear our prayers and explored with each other the ways we can see that in our own lives and communities.

We'll be having a day of prayer and fasting in September - and my prayer now and then will be that we will be more God centred in our prayers, genuinely seeking his will and his glory and recognising our sovereign God as Lord of all, even the hard and the unseen things in our lives...

Rejoice Always,
Rachel

Forgiven much and yet unwilling to forgive? What's with that?

I ask myself - why can't I forgive, when I've been so abundantly forgiven? Why so hard to let go of hurts when our Lord is faithful and just to forgive even the most repeated and loathsome of my own sins? I must have a very small view of the gospel, because when I take a step back and look at it (albeit with blurred vision) I realise it is not only foolish, but damaging to hang on to bitterness for wrongs done against me.

First of all, if I really understand that my life, and the lives of others are truly only about giving God glory, then I'll realise that I'm owed nothing, either by God or the people around me. They and I owe God everything. I'll also realise just how privileged I am that God has chosen to make living for his glory a beautiful, joy-giving, praise-inducing thing. And with that in mind, and in my heart, when 'bad things' happen, I'll rightly feel a sadness that things aren't just how God intended them to be, but rather than feel righteous indignation, I'll grieve the hurt caused to God by people choosing not to live his way.

Then I can let God, who I have also wronged with disproportionate frequency and zeal, deal with that sin, as well as mine. Be that on the Cross where Christ pays for the sins of those who trust him, or at final judgement for those who don't. I'll be sadder about those people who don't trust Jesus, knowing that the judgement they face is terrible. I'll be spurred on to share Jesus with them, both because I long for God to be honoured by them as is right for our loving God and creator, and because I love these people and want them to experience the mercy I too experience evey day.

So - I must choose to forgive when wrong is done to me. And why? Because it really is God's to deal with and he really has forgiven me so much in Christ. Who wouldn't want to be more like Jesus as a result of all of this?

Rejoice, again I will say rejoice!

Rachel

Letting go of shame

Recently whilst browsing Facebook I've been surprised to receive 'Friend Requests' from school friends I have neither seen nor spoken to in years. People whose names I have largely forgotten and whose lives I have no exposure to or impact on. And yet, despite my (perhaps intentional) lack of memory, I have found myself on more than one occasion browsing their lists of friends, trying to remember the faces and names and wondering 'What are they up to these days?"

But this, in itself is neither a unique nor extraordinary experience. What makes me want to write about it is the feeling of anxiety and shame I feel as I look back on my experiences with these people and at the time when we knew each other. I am tortured by memories of shameful things I did, of a selfish and childish attitude that was dangerously introspective and the question "Would these people want to know me now? How do they remember me?" I have nightmares where individuals turn up in my present life, at work or home, and I still want to convince them that I'm worthwhile, that I'm a friend they should want to have.

Part of University life's advantage to me was an escape from a world where I always tried too hard and never really fit in, and the chance to be both eccentric and acceptable. But I fear the lack of peace I feel when I look back, means I have issues as yet unresolved. I need to make peace with myself over the things I feel so ashamed of. Perhaps that means facing up to the fact that I was young and naive and it's normal to have regrets. Surely another aspect as a follower of Jesus Christ is trusting his death has paid for even my worst behaviour and that I'm forgiven by trusting in him. But how do I forgive myself? How do I look back without that sinking feeling of self-loathing at a misspent and unhappy youth?

The flip side of this is that I am delighted to have a family in Christ, who do offer that acceptance and love, who forgive me freely in Jesus' name and who encourage me to see how gracious God is and valued I am by him. I'm also much more comfortable with who I am allowing me to build better relationships as I relate naturally with people around me. So I have many things to be thankful for and really love the fact that I've grown up. There is no part of me that desires the past, and there are few memories that make me nostalgic or wistful. I want to express my gratitude for the here and now, but also make peace with the past - a daunting, but necessary path I feel.

Rejoice in the Lord Always,

Rachel.