Recently whilst browsing Facebook I've been surprised to receive 'Friend Requests' from school friends I have neither seen nor spoken to in years. People whose names I have largely forgotten and whose lives I have no exposure to or impact on. And yet, despite my (perhaps intentional) lack of memory, I have found myself on more than one occasion browsing their lists of friends, trying to remember the faces and names and wondering 'What are they up to these days?"
But this, in itself is neither a unique nor extraordinary experience. What makes me want to write about it is the feeling of anxiety and shame I feel as I look back on my experiences with these people and at the time when we knew each other. I am tortured by memories of shameful things I did, of a selfish and childish attitude that was dangerously introspective and the question "Would these people want to know me now? How do they remember me?" I have nightmares where individuals turn up in my present life, at work or home, and I still want to convince them that I'm worthwhile, that I'm a friend they should want to have.
Part of University life's advantage to me was an escape from a world where I always tried too hard and never really fit in, and the chance to be both eccentric and acceptable. But I fear the lack of peace I feel when I look back, means I have issues as yet unresolved. I need to make peace with myself over the things I feel so ashamed of. Perhaps that means facing up to the fact that I was young and naive and it's normal to have regrets. Surely another aspect as a follower of Jesus Christ is trusting his death has paid for even my worst behaviour and that I'm forgiven by trusting in him. But how do I forgive myself? How do I look back without that sinking feeling of self-loathing at a misspent and unhappy youth?
The flip side of this is that I am delighted to have a family in Christ, who do offer that acceptance and love, who forgive me freely in Jesus' name and who encourage me to see how gracious God is and valued I am by him. I'm also much more comfortable with who I am allowing me to build better relationships as I relate naturally with people around me. So I have many things to be thankful for and really love the fact that I've grown up. There is no part of me that desires the past, and there are few memories that make me nostalgic or wistful. I want to express my gratitude for the here and now, but also make peace with the past - a daunting, but necessary path I feel.
Rejoice in the Lord Always,
Rachel.
Monday 2 November 2009
Monday 7 September 2009
Drifting away
These words may mean a variety of things to you - pictures of little rowing boats on a calm lake with crystal blue skies above, bright sunshine warming your skin and the sound of birds singing, lulling you to a relaxing dreamworld. Or how about that nice hot bath with the aroma of exotic flowers, bubbles overflowing the brim and steam soothing your aching bones.
Actually, that kind of drifting sounds great, but the drifting I mean is a lot less pleasant, and unfortunately tends to be of a much greater magnitude. I'm talking drifitng from grace, drifting from trusting Jesus and living with him as Lord. It seems to me that as I am a Christian for longer (and that said it's only really been 6 years or thereabouts) the more I am confronted with the disappointment of seeing people turning away from God. The reasons are many, but the pattern seems to me to be the same. One experiences some disappointment or distraction, which leads to a disillusionment with the Christian faith. One sets up for themself an idol to fill the resulting 'void' and worships it with very little satisfaction and a lot of guilt. Guilt-racked, one avoids God by avoiding his people, his word and prayer, leading to a growing void that one attempts to fill with one's idol, thereby increasing the guilt, and so the cycle goes on.
The Bible, from beginning to end warns against drifting away from God. Check out the following verses in your own time / Bibile:
Exodus 6:10 - 25 - we need to remind ourselves of God's goodness, and prompt ourselves to Love him continually.
Hebrews 3:12 - 19 - we are to uphold one another, being carfeul not to have a 'sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the Living God.
The commands and warnings are there, becuase the threat is real. Our hearts can become cold to God, hardened to him and in our unbelief we commit the terrible sin of turning away from him. The evidence is there in life too - a brother or sister in Christ turns their back on God to pursue a relationship with an unbeliever. A business project becomes all consuming, or shifts too long and we end up too tired to go to church and too busy to go to home group. Dissatisfaction with ourselves and a poor understanding of grace lead to dangerous, life robbing addictions that prevent us being the mothers / brothers / children we ought to be.
I plead with you if you are reading this and a chord has been stuck...turn back now. It will only get harder as the idolatry grows, the sin entangles, your heart hardens and you just stop caring about Jesus. Choose Christ who is able to save you for eternity, who loves you and longs to welcome you back, and who lives in you by his Holy Spirit, who blesses, comforts and guides you in God's will. In the words of Jim Elliott "He is no fool that gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose"...I wholeheartedly agree!
Rachel
Actually, that kind of drifting sounds great, but the drifting I mean is a lot less pleasant, and unfortunately tends to be of a much greater magnitude. I'm talking drifitng from grace, drifting from trusting Jesus and living with him as Lord. It seems to me that as I am a Christian for longer (and that said it's only really been 6 years or thereabouts) the more I am confronted with the disappointment of seeing people turning away from God. The reasons are many, but the pattern seems to me to be the same. One experiences some disappointment or distraction, which leads to a disillusionment with the Christian faith. One sets up for themself an idol to fill the resulting 'void' and worships it with very little satisfaction and a lot of guilt. Guilt-racked, one avoids God by avoiding his people, his word and prayer, leading to a growing void that one attempts to fill with one's idol, thereby increasing the guilt, and so the cycle goes on.
The Bible, from beginning to end warns against drifting away from God. Check out the following verses in your own time / Bibile:
Exodus 6:10 - 25 - we need to remind ourselves of God's goodness, and prompt ourselves to Love him continually.
Hebrews 3:12 - 19 - we are to uphold one another, being carfeul not to have a 'sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the Living God.
The commands and warnings are there, becuase the threat is real. Our hearts can become cold to God, hardened to him and in our unbelief we commit the terrible sin of turning away from him. The evidence is there in life too - a brother or sister in Christ turns their back on God to pursue a relationship with an unbeliever. A business project becomes all consuming, or shifts too long and we end up too tired to go to church and too busy to go to home group. Dissatisfaction with ourselves and a poor understanding of grace lead to dangerous, life robbing addictions that prevent us being the mothers / brothers / children we ought to be.
I plead with you if you are reading this and a chord has been stuck...turn back now. It will only get harder as the idolatry grows, the sin entangles, your heart hardens and you just stop caring about Jesus. Choose Christ who is able to save you for eternity, who loves you and longs to welcome you back, and who lives in you by his Holy Spirit, who blesses, comforts and guides you in God's will. In the words of Jim Elliott "He is no fool that gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose"...I wholeheartedly agree!
Rachel
Friday 3 July 2009
This life, in this world, with this God Part II
Ok, so I feel compelled to expand on my last post, to address the question of why this life that is such a joy and a privilege, often looks and feels like the opposite.
Its a real question, and a legitimate one. We see the psalmists asking God 'How long O Lord?' 'Will you hide your face from me forever?' and 'Why are you downcast, O my soul?'. Not the questions of someone who is finding life to be a breeze. And these truly are acceptable questions, ones God wants us to ask of Him, albeit with a humility that accepts that God is bigger and wiser than us, and knows what's for the best.
So, when might we expect to face these questions? I suggest one or two may be:
I don't know. It seems such a cop out to answer with the words of the writer of Deuteronomy 'The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law'. But this is the infallible word of the same God who is bigger and wiser than me.
I have a friend who asks every morning 'Is the gospel good news for me today?'. The answer is obvious. In the face of suffering, pain, loss, and frustration with ourself and the world, we inevitably ask the question 'Where is God and what on earth is he up to?' But the answer to the former is always a resounding 'YES!!!'
We should be careful with our questions...asking of God what is going on should be done with a desire to serve him and submit to him, rather than a defiant heart that shakes its fist in his face when things are hard. This is the same God who sent His son to die for you, that you may have both an eternal blessing in life with Christ after death, as well as the countless blessings of a restored relationship with him in the present. God hasn't chosen to put the whole world right just yet, but we do see glimpses of what the world will be like when he does. He promises us a new creation, where 'He will wipe all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall their be any pain' - what an amaing hope for his people who experience grief and trials now, but trust in the cross of Christ as the guarantee of their future.
We can, and must find joy from reminding ourselves that our God knows what he is doing. He does love us, as demonstrated by the sacrifice of his perfect son for the sins of the people at the hands of whom he was killed. That even while I was (and am) still sinning, Jesus has died for me. And being raised to life and seated with God above, I too, through faith in him, am already seated with Christ on high and will be raised to eternal life after I die.
God asks us to trust him. 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight'. So lets be honest with one another when we don't understand what is happening to us and how it can possibly be under the control of a powerful and loving God, but lets also remind each other of the cross, a place of compelling, unchangeable comfort and a stern reminder of God's gracious love, glorious salvation, and awesome power.
Keep rejoicing!
Rachel.
Its a real question, and a legitimate one. We see the psalmists asking God 'How long O Lord?' 'Will you hide your face from me forever?' and 'Why are you downcast, O my soul?'. Not the questions of someone who is finding life to be a breeze. And these truly are acceptable questions, ones God wants us to ask of Him, albeit with a humility that accepts that God is bigger and wiser than us, and knows what's for the best.
So, when might we expect to face these questions? I suggest one or two may be:
- At times of loss and grief.
- When we experience injustice at the hands of others.
- When things turn out differently for one person than another, despite the circumstances being similar in each case.
I don't know. It seems such a cop out to answer with the words of the writer of Deuteronomy 'The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law'. But this is the infallible word of the same God who is bigger and wiser than me.
I have a friend who asks every morning 'Is the gospel good news for me today?'. The answer is obvious. In the face of suffering, pain, loss, and frustration with ourself and the world, we inevitably ask the question 'Where is God and what on earth is he up to?' But the answer to the former is always a resounding 'YES!!!'
We should be careful with our questions...asking of God what is going on should be done with a desire to serve him and submit to him, rather than a defiant heart that shakes its fist in his face when things are hard. This is the same God who sent His son to die for you, that you may have both an eternal blessing in life with Christ after death, as well as the countless blessings of a restored relationship with him in the present. God hasn't chosen to put the whole world right just yet, but we do see glimpses of what the world will be like when he does. He promises us a new creation, where 'He will wipe all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall their be any pain' - what an amaing hope for his people who experience grief and trials now, but trust in the cross of Christ as the guarantee of their future.
We can, and must find joy from reminding ourselves that our God knows what he is doing. He does love us, as demonstrated by the sacrifice of his perfect son for the sins of the people at the hands of whom he was killed. That even while I was (and am) still sinning, Jesus has died for me. And being raised to life and seated with God above, I too, through faith in him, am already seated with Christ on high and will be raised to eternal life after I die.
God asks us to trust him. 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight'. So lets be honest with one another when we don't understand what is happening to us and how it can possibly be under the control of a powerful and loving God, but lets also remind each other of the cross, a place of compelling, unchangeable comfort and a stern reminder of God's gracious love, glorious salvation, and awesome power.
Keep rejoicing!
Rachel.
Monday 29 June 2009
This life, in this world, with this God.
On my way to work the other day I had a kind of epiphany, a moment of clarity, a realisation of something I just don't seem to have truly understood. God made me. Every fibre of my being is made by him and belongs to him. Everything on this earth is his. So what's my purpose in life? To glorify him. It seems so obvious now. Made by God, for His purposes, I have no rights in his regard, no claims to stake, nothing to demand as my own.
So what does this mean? Well, I might feel extremely vulnerable. Our creator is a God who is powerful enough to create the Universe, who has named all of the stars in the sky, and knows the thoughts of my heart. To him I owe my existence and life (however brief it may be) and by him I am owed nothing. So he is both able and within his rights to do whatever he pleases with me. Its my duty to honour him as he is my creator, and he could make this a depressing, long suffering mightily unpleasant experience. Indeed, he could keep me in misery forever. And yet, he hasn't chosen this.
How pleasant it is to feel the sun shine on my face, to see lambs gambolling in the fields in spring, to look up at a sky rife with clouds and forks of lightning, to hear claps of thunder against a background of torrential rain, to taste a ripe and juicy strawberry from the garden of a friend, to smell freshly ground coffee, or the fragrance of a rose in bloom.
God has made the world a delightful place to live, where I hear friends laugh together, enjoy a kiss and a cuddle with someone I love, receive generosity and hospitality from friends who consider it a joy to be kind to me, and what's more, ask nothing in return. In this world I experience love in so many contexts and the joy it brings is all gift, all grace, all free from a God who owes me nothing and yet seeks out ways to bless.
When I am tempted to grumble (its too hot, its too hard, I'm too tired) I'd do well to remember the reason I have been made, and the privilege and joy it is to live this life, in this world, with this God.
Rejoice Always,
Rachel.
So what does this mean? Well, I might feel extremely vulnerable. Our creator is a God who is powerful enough to create the Universe, who has named all of the stars in the sky, and knows the thoughts of my heart. To him I owe my existence and life (however brief it may be) and by him I am owed nothing. So he is both able and within his rights to do whatever he pleases with me. Its my duty to honour him as he is my creator, and he could make this a depressing, long suffering mightily unpleasant experience. Indeed, he could keep me in misery forever. And yet, he hasn't chosen this.
How pleasant it is to feel the sun shine on my face, to see lambs gambolling in the fields in spring, to look up at a sky rife with clouds and forks of lightning, to hear claps of thunder against a background of torrential rain, to taste a ripe and juicy strawberry from the garden of a friend, to smell freshly ground coffee, or the fragrance of a rose in bloom.
God has made the world a delightful place to live, where I hear friends laugh together, enjoy a kiss and a cuddle with someone I love, receive generosity and hospitality from friends who consider it a joy to be kind to me, and what's more, ask nothing in return. In this world I experience love in so many contexts and the joy it brings is all gift, all grace, all free from a God who owes me nothing and yet seeks out ways to bless.
When I am tempted to grumble (its too hot, its too hard, I'm too tired) I'd do well to remember the reason I have been made, and the privilege and joy it is to live this life, in this world, with this God.
Rejoice Always,
Rachel.
Wednesday 3 June 2009
Is it always possible to be kind?
Always possible to be kind?
When faced with the quote "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible" - The Dali Lama - I instinctively asked the person who'd quoted it "If it's always possible to be kind, why has no one ever achieved it yet?"
In response he asked me the following three questions, which I will attempt to answer in turn.
i)How do you know it's always possible?
Well if by this question we mean 'What is the metric by which you will decide if it is always possible?', then I intend to get right to the heart of the issue - our conscience. Our conscience acts as a moral compass guiding us to know what is right and wrong - on the simplest level, this means we know that if we see someone in pain for example, we desire to help them, and if someone wrongs us we desire them to be punished and make amends. Along with this conscience we have the free will to do as we choose - we can choose in any given circumstance to do what we know to be right (kind) or wrong (unkind).
ii) How do you define 'kind'?
Well the astute reader will realise that the answer given above (i) assumes kindness to be right and unkindness to be wrong, but I think it is important that you realise that I don't mean kind as in always taking the soft option. Often the kindest thing to do for others is hurtful to them in the short term, but far from harming them will do them good in the long term. Take the correction of a child by his parent...The parent loves the child and wants to protect him from harming himself, so tells him off for playing with matches. The child is distressed and cries. Is this the soft option? No! But is it kind? Yes - the motivation is love, and because the parent loves the child, they are not scared to hurt the boys feelings in the short term to teach him that fire and matches are dangerous and prevent him from injury in the long term. Kindness is loving people and seeking the best for them regardless of the cost to yourself.
iii) And how would we know if anyone has?
There is no scientific way of proving whether anyone has actually achieved this - I am not omnipresent in space or time, nor do I know the hearts of men! But I can speak for myself and admit that I am most certainly not always kind! Far from it, when I examine my own heart I find a cesspit of selfishness and a desire for self promotion. I am not always kind to people, and not always because I want to see their downfall...more often because I value their opinion so highly, want to feel good about myself and impress others and God, that I no longer put their interests first. I want people to like and respect me, and care more about achieving that end, than I do about helping them.
I can also speak for the people around me and say honestly that no one I have ever met (which is admittedly a very small number of all of the people who have ever lived) has always been kind. Don't get me wrong, I have some fantastic friends, a loving family, a great Church and an incredibly gracious and generous boyfriend to top it off. But none of them are always kind. The ways in which they are selfish and put their own interests before others are a matter for their own conscience, but they cannot claim such innocence as this, and furthermore I don't believe they would. It's a claim so arrogant and wholly unbelievable that it would be ludicrous and pointless to make.
But I believe that there are in fact 2 nuanced questions we must ask ourselves on this matter:
Is it always possible to be kind? Well yes, I think it is. In every situation we choose how we respond. We choose whether to love others, or ourselves, and we are responsible for the choice we make.
Is it possible to always be kind? I think not - we are a broken people. The Bible says 'We all like sheep have gone astray'. Our hearts have a natural inclination to put ourselves first, which is why our default is selfishness and we must learn and practice hard at being generous and outward looking. We can't always be kind, because we will choose unkindness instead, when we follow our self centred human nature. For sure we will choose kindness too - but not every time. Reflect on your own life a moment and I'm sure it won't take long for you to see your own unkindness. How long ago since you were last unkind to someone? Honestly?
When faced with the quote "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible" - The Dali Lama - I instinctively asked the person who'd quoted it "If it's always possible to be kind, why has no one ever achieved it yet?"
In response he asked me the following three questions, which I will attempt to answer in turn.
i)How do you know it's always possible?
Well if by this question we mean 'What is the metric by which you will decide if it is always possible?', then I intend to get right to the heart of the issue - our conscience. Our conscience acts as a moral compass guiding us to know what is right and wrong - on the simplest level, this means we know that if we see someone in pain for example, we desire to help them, and if someone wrongs us we desire them to be punished and make amends. Along with this conscience we have the free will to do as we choose - we can choose in any given circumstance to do what we know to be right (kind) or wrong (unkind).
ii) How do you define 'kind'?
Well the astute reader will realise that the answer given above (i) assumes kindness to be right and unkindness to be wrong, but I think it is important that you realise that I don't mean kind as in always taking the soft option. Often the kindest thing to do for others is hurtful to them in the short term, but far from harming them will do them good in the long term. Take the correction of a child by his parent...The parent loves the child and wants to protect him from harming himself, so tells him off for playing with matches. The child is distressed and cries. Is this the soft option? No! But is it kind? Yes - the motivation is love, and because the parent loves the child, they are not scared to hurt the boys feelings in the short term to teach him that fire and matches are dangerous and prevent him from injury in the long term. Kindness is loving people and seeking the best for them regardless of the cost to yourself.
iii) And how would we know if anyone has?
There is no scientific way of proving whether anyone has actually achieved this - I am not omnipresent in space or time, nor do I know the hearts of men! But I can speak for myself and admit that I am most certainly not always kind! Far from it, when I examine my own heart I find a cesspit of selfishness and a desire for self promotion. I am not always kind to people, and not always because I want to see their downfall...more often because I value their opinion so highly, want to feel good about myself and impress others and God, that I no longer put their interests first. I want people to like and respect me, and care more about achieving that end, than I do about helping them.
I can also speak for the people around me and say honestly that no one I have ever met (which is admittedly a very small number of all of the people who have ever lived) has always been kind. Don't get me wrong, I have some fantastic friends, a loving family, a great Church and an incredibly gracious and generous boyfriend to top it off. But none of them are always kind. The ways in which they are selfish and put their own interests before others are a matter for their own conscience, but they cannot claim such innocence as this, and furthermore I don't believe they would. It's a claim so arrogant and wholly unbelievable that it would be ludicrous and pointless to make.
But I believe that there are in fact 2 nuanced questions we must ask ourselves on this matter:
Is it always possible to be kind? Well yes, I think it is. In every situation we choose how we respond. We choose whether to love others, or ourselves, and we are responsible for the choice we make.
Is it possible to always be kind? I think not - we are a broken people. The Bible says 'We all like sheep have gone astray'. Our hearts have a natural inclination to put ourselves first, which is why our default is selfishness and we must learn and practice hard at being generous and outward looking. We can't always be kind, because we will choose unkindness instead, when we follow our self centred human nature. For sure we will choose kindness too - but not every time. Reflect on your own life a moment and I'm sure it won't take long for you to see your own unkindness. How long ago since you were last unkind to someone? Honestly?
Thursday 28 May 2009
Memory verses
Inspired by reading 'The Cross Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel The Main Thing by C.J. Mahaney (Hardcover - Oct 12, 2002)' a friend and I have decided to learn a Bible verse each week. This week's is taken from Romans 8: 31-34
"If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us."
Keep rejoicing!
"If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us."
Keep rejoicing!
About this blog.
Da, da da da da da da Da!!!
My first ever blog post, on my first ever blog...thanks for taking the time to read it. I have recently started to feel that some sort of record of what's going on with me, what I'm learning, how I'm growing, what I find difficult and things I don't understand will be useful. Why? So that I can look at what God is doing in my life and that of those around me and be encouraged that trusting Him every day is not only helpful, but essential. So why publish it? Well I hope as God's grace is at work in me you will be encouraged, challenged and thankful. I also hope you might share your thoughts and ideas, challenges and experiences so that I won't think I know all the answers all the time.
So what can you expect to find on this here blog? To be perfectly honest I'm not sure yet, but I think mostly it will be about Jesus because he's super duper.
So welcome, and please don't be shy. If you have an opinion, share it, but be gracious to me and to others and consider who might read this before you post.
Always Rejoice!
Rachel.
My first ever blog post, on my first ever blog...thanks for taking the time to read it. I have recently started to feel that some sort of record of what's going on with me, what I'm learning, how I'm growing, what I find difficult and things I don't understand will be useful. Why? So that I can look at what God is doing in my life and that of those around me and be encouraged that trusting Him every day is not only helpful, but essential. So why publish it? Well I hope as God's grace is at work in me you will be encouraged, challenged and thankful. I also hope you might share your thoughts and ideas, challenges and experiences so that I won't think I know all the answers all the time.
So what can you expect to find on this here blog? To be perfectly honest I'm not sure yet, but I think mostly it will be about Jesus because he's super duper.
So welcome, and please don't be shy. If you have an opinion, share it, but be gracious to me and to others and consider who might read this before you post.
Always Rejoice!
Rachel.